This is hard for me to write and yet it is almost cathartic at the same time.
I don’t think I want to run marathons. I don’t think I want to run ultramarathons. It almost hurts to admit this, especially when I see the “Ultra” magnet on my refrigerator begging to be earned. I love running, truly I do, but the time it takes from my family doesn’t seem to be worth it some days. This isn’t something that just popped into my head this morning, it’s been on my heart for the past couple days. I’ve thought about it every time I’ve stepped into my gym room. Maybe it’s because I am enjoying weight lifting so much, I’m not sure, but I do know that I need to figure this out real quick. I have to register for the Skidaway Marathon tomorrow. I am going to run it, I just need to figure out if I’m running the full or the half. Half marathons are so much easier to train for, the mileage is much easier to tackle while keeping up with my life. The hardest part is that last year I prided myself on being a long distance runner and I was so excited to venture into the Ultra world. Now I don’t really know where I stand except that I don’t want to step foot on my treadmill. Running helped me lose so much weight but is no longer yielding the fat loss results that I am searching for and that may be playing a part in my mind. I am not going to give up running, I want to continue to maintain at least 20 miles a week, but that is so much easier than 35+ miles and a lot less time consuming. You never know, I may do marathons again, I’m still really young. Then again I may change my mind next week. Haha. There is a timed ultra event (6,12, and 24 hour) in June that I was really looking forward to that I may still do. The one thing many people don’t get is just how much time I have to spend running to get ready for those distances. 5 hours is just a training run while getting ready for a 50k. That’s 5 hours on a Saturday that could be spent with my family. 5 hours of running around the crappy streets of our city getting honked and yelled at. Oh, location may also be playing a part in this mental game. My options are treadmill or sidewalks next to busy streets, there aren’t any trails that are close enough for a week day run. The draw of Ultra marathons on beautiful trails is still so sweet to me and I want to do them, I’m just unsure of being able to train for them. Maybe I just need a week or two without running to show me how much I really need it in my life. Maybe I should just be a half marathon runner instead of fulls and ultras. I’ll just have to wait and see I guess.
Now what to do about Skidaway? 😦
Keep running y’all!